Imprecision Cooking: Frosting

Friday, July 8, 2016

Imprecision Cooking: Frosting

I hate most store frosting. Also, I can only take from-scratch cooking so far. See the chocolate heart on the cupcake above? I bought a huge block of fancy baking chocolate, thinking that I'd temper it and make hearts, easy-peasy. I ended up making a huge mess and wasting 3/4 of this block (into my face!), with chocolate decorations that still melted. I asked my best friend, who is a home economics pro, and she said, "Just mix the fake chocolate melting wafers into real chocolate. It's impossible to temper chocolate."

So there. Only five hours down the drain.

I also hate baking. It usually takes too much precision.

My daughter recently turned one, so to pretend I know what I'm doing, I bought unfrosted cupcakes and a small cake from Sam's Club, and then decorated them myself. Came out pretty good, I think:

But, as everyone knows, a cupcake is only the vehicle for frosting, so a good frosting is key. Here is the best best best frosting:

-Whipped cream, 1 1/2 cups (if you have a really good blender, you can use half and half, or even regular milk--just wrap a blue cooler pack around the cup part when you do this)
-Instant pistachio pudding, 2-3 Tablespoons (some sites say to use the whole packet; resist!)
-Almond or vanilla extract, 1/4 teaspoon
-Green food coloring, couple drops

Pour it all in the blender. Blend! In about 45 seconds, you have awesome frosting that is light, delicious in a sophisticated way, and holds its shape even when it's warm.

You want the pink kind?:
-Whipped cream, 1 1/2 cups
-Instant strawberry jello, 2-3 Tablespoons 
-Red food coloring, couple drops
-Niceties, in this case being orange extract or some other unexpected extract

Pour it all in the blender cup, stir, and let it sit in the fridge for a few minutes to dissolve. Then, blend! This will take a little longer (I don't know why), and is more look and smell than taste, but still quite light.

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