Imprecision Cooking: Cookies

When I first started blogging, there was just starting to be a blogging industry. Mostly, folks would post ads from different companies, or try a product sent to them for free. It was still, largely, just for hobbying folks who liked to write and share stuff. And then, everyone started specializing and monetizing: fan fiction sites (you can thank those for Fifty Shades of Grey), homesteading (you can learn about chicken inoculation, combating candida, AND aquaponics in one site!) and, most insidious of all, the lifestyle blog. Through good lighting, macro shots, and shabby chic-style props and templates, these lifestyle blogs made us alternately inspired and depressed by these women’s gluten-free, vegetarian, made-from-scratch lifestyles. Ugh. Like I don’t have enough inadequacy in my life.

Not to knock anybody, because I’ve definitely visited and deployed many a organizational strategy and recipe, but it’s definitely an industry now. Each of these women are selling their own brand of perfection, hoping to be the next Pioneer Woman or Oh, She Glows green monster movement founder (c’mon guys, it’s just a damn smoothie!). Each blog post is lovingly crafted to give you, J. Peterman-style, a narrative about why this smoothie/baked good/pasta sauce/craft came into being, often involving a cutesy story about their kid or significant other. Puke. Perhaps this critique says more about me than them. Hmm.

One day, after working myself into a lather visiting site after site researching the Perfect Cookie, what I realized is what those stories are actually telling me: cookies are comfort and love that you can give to people. When someone gives you a cookie, you say and think, “Thanks.” Precise measurements are not needed for this interaction, and neither are fancy ingredients. Plus, if you’ve been to my house, you know that we’re usually missing half the ingredients, making any attempt at precision moot.

So, I’m breaking down my favorite—shall we say “rustic”—cookie recipe, for when you have more love than raw ingredients.

Ingredients:

-2 cups, chocolate. You can do chips (we buy in bulk), nibs, chopped up chunks. If you want, you can substitute with raisins or fruit. I hope you don’t want.

-3 cups, oatmeal. I use oatmeal because I like my cookies like I like my thighs: thick, but healthy. I don’t make a distinction of quick or steal cut. If you think they are too hard, you can always soften them up in a tiny (like ½ cup) bit of milk, simmered on the stove for a few minutes.

-1/2 to 1 cup, flour. I usually just grind up the oatmeal. It’s just easier, and then I can feel superior about gluten-free cookies. I like a chunky cookie, so to me the flour just helps things stick together, and smoothes out the rough edges—civilizes the cookie, so to speak.

-1/2 teaspoon, baking soda or baking powder. There’s some kind of science going on here. Just one of them is fine.

-Binder. This can be: 1 egg, 1 mashed banana, some soaked chia seeds. If you cooked your oatmeal on the stove, you don’t need a binder.

-1 ½ cups, nuts. I like walnuts or pecans. Peanuts are ok. Almonds can be hard to chew, unless they’re slivered or sliced. I like when there is more chocolate than nuts.

-1/2 cup, melted butter or coconut oil. Anything but sesame or olive oil. I don’t like them too wet, but if you do, you can add more.

-1/4 to ½ cup, sweetness. Sugar, honey, maple syrup. I don’t know about the fancy stuff: stevia, agave. If you are using fancy natural sweetener, then this recipe is too easy for you.

-1/2 to 1 teaspoon, niceties. These include: cinnamon, chili, vanilla extract, almond extract—those little, personal touches that your family friends note and remember, ala, “Oh, Clarissa—she used to make these great cookies, with just a hint of curry.” Or whatever.

-pinch of salt

Dry ingredients in a bowl and stir.

Wet ingredients and stir. Toppings and stir. Oven at 375F. Bake 10-15 minutes, depending on your oven’s temperament. You can make 36 small cookies, 20 decent cookies, or two pans that you can cut into bars. Or eat whole. I’m not here to judge.

40x40 Adventure 2 completed: Combining Complete a declutter project AND Organize the house

As a teenager I had to catch the bus and walk just about everywhere, so I didn't want to carry too much around. A couple years later, I went to college two plane rides from home, and had to pack up my whole life just about every semester. I got into the habit of traveling light, and hopefully living light: ideally, all the things I loved I could mostly fit into my backpack and/or my car. My board. Music. Writing stuff. Clothes. A water bottle.

And then I got married, and the stuff piled up.

My husband doesn’t throw away things, and comes from the “might be useful someday” school of thought. In addition, he is a mixed-media artist, so every damn cardboard box, magazine, piece of plastic, empty model paint container, and bit of styrofoam has potential utility. I find it slovenly and depressing to have so much crap around--some of it years old--but as long as he kept it in his own area, I didn’t mind so much.

And then I had kids who use him as their example, and it became like living in a landfill.

Usually, I just clean up one smallish area a couple times a month, but I decided to really get after the clutter this time, which is why two of my 40x40 list items ended up getting crossed off. Or maybe just combined, so I have an additional item I can accomplish--I haven’t decided yet.

I used this 40 Bags In 40 Days blog post as inspiration:

http://www.whitehouseblackshutters.com/40-bags-in-40-days-2015/

But as you can see, it asks that you do a bunch of planning, and really if I were that organized, my house wouldn’t be cluttered in the first place. I used her idea of doing the entire project over Lent, and I also liked figuring out places to put the clutter, other than the trash.

Here’s how my forty days broke down:

• Bags of rubbish I threw away: 20
• Bags of goods for recycling: 3
• Bags of stuff donated or handed down: 14
• Bags of stuff repurposed: 2
• Bags of stuff used (you know, canned goods, craft stuff, projects finally completed): 3
• Bags of junk my husband threw away from his garage workshop: 3 (I noted this because it is a big deal for him)

Total: 45 bags!

While I was chucking stuff, I realized that: 1, I had a lot more space in some places, so I could put more stuff on shelves, or put similar items together, whereas before they had to go in separate areas; and 2, it wouldn’t be that much more effort to just organize a bit. So that’s how I ended up organizing the following:

• All the closets (sheets, towels, blankets, and clothes)
• The kitchen cupboards (including the small appliances that I will never use [sorry, wedding-gift ice cream maker], reusable plastic containers of varying sizes with and without matching covers, paper goods [I’m embarrassed to say I had about four different stashes of paper goods in random places in my house], and canned goods)
• The medicine cabinet (why did we keep five empty bottles of kids’ medicine?)
• The book shelves (including our books, Sol’s collection of figurine-making magazines, the kids’ books [and I finally got rid of the half-eaten baby board books], and the kids’ collected school work)
• My craft junk
• Our paperwork (ok, so it may not be completely organized, but it is neatly packed away)

I also made the kids get rid of a bunch of stuff once school ended. I mean, they may have put a lot of work into it, but I don’t want to keep all their worksheets and spelling workbooks. Does this make me a bad mother?

Overall, I would say our house is about 20% emptier than it was before. I think we just get in a rut, keeping stuff out of a false sense of sentimentality (like spelling books) or guilt (I know my husband will feel guilty about throwing away things, as if the trash collectors are looking at our bags of trash and passing judgment on us), or even habit (such as all the plastic bags I tell myself I will use eventually, or the plastic containers who have no mate).

Would I do it again: Eventually, I’d like to get rid of about 30% of what we have left, but that will probably have to happen in 3-5% increments over the next year or two. And then there comes maintenance--the whole thing reminds me a lot of weight loss. But, sure! I’ll keep going.

Status: Success!

40x40 Adventure 1 completed: Family participates in a community race or run/walk

The first thing you should know about this whole 40x40 adventure is that I’m starting this endeavor whilst pregnant with my fourth child. Further, I have progressed in my pregnancy past the “glowing, hip-swinging earth mother/goddess” stage and am well into “grouchy and in pain” phase of the game, which I understand that many women never reach, and also those that do get to this, uh, elevated state of pregnancy don’t usually enter it under their third trimester. I’ve been existing--nay, marinating--in this state since about 20 weeks, when I started having to do all the irritating older-preggo tests and simultaneously my hips and pelvic bones started to be angry with me.

And so.

I don’t want to complain (though I’ve been told I’m quite a complainer, though I prefer the term “critically observant”), especially about myself, but I should have picked less physically demanding endeavors for this damn list. I’ve already been working on the 5 million steps thing, but because of the aforementioned hip and pelvic pain, I had slowed waaaaay down on that--from 8k steps/day, to about (on a good day) 5k steps. At about the time my “I’m a waddling mess who can barely move” pity party had set up tables, refreshments, and chosen a caterer (Ben and Jerry’s, natch), my friend Ke’opu posted about putting together a team to do a community walk to raise funds for diabetes awareness, prevention, and treatment. Her late father, whom I had known from work, had had diabetes, and she was walking to honor him. She had done the team organization and all the research; all I had to do is register my family, donate a voluntary amount, and show up with my family.

So I shut my whiny trap and did it, and it was fun, despite my waddling. Of course it was. And mahalo to Ke'opu for the inspiration, motivation, and opportunity!

What I learned:

-Show up early. It’s a good thing it was a walk and not a race, because we couldn’t find parking and so were 20 minutes late and were literally the last people to start.

-You just have to be ahead of the volunteers who are cleaning up in order to still be considered part of the walk.

-It’s nice to walk around Kapi’olani Park on a clear, Saturday morning. Sometimes I forget stuff like that, because Waikiki is starting to be a development wasteland.

-First place and last place both get swag. Last place gets more swag than first because the race organizers don’t have to worry about running out.

-There are lots of different ways to engage with causes and communities, and it’s important to show my family as many as possible.

Would I do it again: Sure!

Status: Success!

40 by 40--one thing i'm doing: declutter challenge!

So I saw on the FBs a declutter challenge:
40 bags in 40 days

And since I've been looking for a declutter challenge, and can count to 40, I decided to pick this one.

I've added a couple categories: toss, donate, recycle, and use. The weirdest one may be use, but here's my thoughts on that: I have a bunch of half-used stuff. Half a bottle of conditioner. Three mostly used ketchups. A face mask sample. A bag full of bath bombs.

Why do I keep these things? If there is a zombie apocolypse, the last thing I'm going to care about is leave-in conditioner. But I don't want to waste it. And the prissy side of me wants to see if it will, indeed, make my hair as lustrous and shiny as it claims. So why wait?

Photos to come. Actually, prolly it will be too, too embarrassing.

40 x 40, domestic edition

On August 19, 2016, I will turn 40. All in all, it's been a pretty good ride. I've had a lot of adventures already, and already live in a wonderful place, so a lot of stuff I've read on other blogs (eg, try sushi, go surfing, bake a cake [for pete's sake!]), I've already done. But in creating this list, I do have a couple limitations--well, three to four of them. Having little children means I had to keep these to-dos kind of close to home, can't spend a ton of money, and have to keep the time commitment manageable (so, a four-week ski and spa trip in Switzerland is a no-go, as is the summer writers' retreat at Neropa).

With those things in mind, here's my list. It's a compilation of adventures, things I haven't because I'm a slacker jerk, plans for the future, and physical challenges. If you want to join in on any/all, let me know!

1. Fly in a hot-air balloon or hang glider.

2. Complete a Spartan Challenge or other mud obstacle course.

3. Perform stand-up comedy.

4. My e-publishing site, MoananuiVoices.com, is up and running, and I have a plan and a direction to make it a full-time job.

5. Force my husband to take a real family vacation.

6. Back to pre-babies size, or healthiest alternative.

7. Try belly dancing, pole dancing, or Bollywood dancing. Go to at least five classes.

8. Complete MUTU system.

9. Sing with the band!

10. Get another tattoo.

11. (Self?) publish a novel.

12. Do something for 100+ days straight.

13. Complete a declutter project.

14. Register to vote.

15. Do six months' worth (180 days) of meat-free eating.

16. Take each kid somewhere overnight.

17. Write one million words of my own stuff.

18. Send presents or whatever to everyone who responded to that FB post that one time.

19. Walk five million steps (my pedometer app has lifetime steps, so this started in November 2014).

20. Complete a Duolingo language.

21. Correspond with someone (who speaks that language) in that language.

22. Help someone's career.

23. Clean out the stuff I have at my mom's house.

24. Start a podcast.

25. Learn and record myself (and friends, hopefully) doing a WilldaBeest choreography.

26. Institute Hawaiian spirituality practice, a la Ku Kahakalau, in my family.

27. Take a martial art.

28. Write a will and figure out kids' custody and whatnot.

29. Buy an ukulele.

30. Read and review 20 non-fiction books.

31. Complete each kid's first year photo album.

32. Zipline!

33. Write a fan letter to Stephen King.

34. Do a pin-up photo shoot.

35. Complete the Kulaiwi DVD series, or other 'olelo Hawai'i language-learning system.

36. Participate as a family in a community race or run/walk.

37. Donate blood.

38. Write a poem in 'olelo Hawai'i.

39. Cook a turducken!

40. Post each of these to my blog.

And one to grow on: Find five new things to do, five places to travel, and five things to accomplish by age 50!

Overanalyzing "Blurred Lines"/"Can't Stop", just like every other damn person

I know I’m about two months late to the conversation, but I don’t think “Blurred Lines” is rapey. The blurred line being referred to isn’t whether consent is given or not, but rather the confusing prospect (for a guy) of an interested woman who is worried about tarnishing her “good girl” image by doing it rough with a guy.

To me, this is the story this song is telling: A guy and a girl know each other, well enough that he knows how her ex treated her. He tells her he thinks they should hook up, and not just hook up but that rough sex is exactly what she seems to want, even if she hasn’t articulated that per se. He encourages her to “get at” him, if she’s as interested as she thinks he is. He tells her she is “far from plastic,” meaning she shouldn’t put up a façade of disinterest. She makes some reference to “getting plastered” (see the chorus). I take this couplet to mean that she is doing the thing where you pretend to be drunker or more stoned or whatever, as an excuse to do what you would otherwise be too afraid to do. At the end of the song, they smoke a joint, and it’s their “beginning.”

Everybody quotes the line “You know you want it,” to illustrate that it’s rapey (as in the male is projecting his desires onto her), but if you take the narrative of the song, I think he is just stating an opinion. After all, she’s sticking around long enough to hear this entire monologue from him, and smoke the J he offers. The music part of a song evokes a club or party—actually, some kind of brightly lit place with people. Even the music video is (nakie ladies aside) rather innocuous: balloons, silliness, the men ogle but don’t touch, the women do the handling of the men, and are naked or mostly so but still seem comfortable and confident. I think people get offended about this song because the man is kind of cocky (see the Slate article that explains it better than I can), but he still gets the girl. The woman in the song enjoys it, wants to hump the kind of guy who offers “something that will tear your ass in two.” We find it repugnant that a guy like that can get the girl, but the @ss wants what the @ss wants.

Now, placing this song in context with the VMA performance, and it’s like Robin Thicke has gotten exactly what he wished for: Miley Cyrus acted the part of a sexually strong woman. But instead of celebrating her expression of sexual confidence, we get mad because she’s not acting like a “good girl.”

Poor Robin Thicke gets blasted because he’s older and should know better—well, yes, but if you watch the video you can see he’s singing and she bends over in front of him and grinds up on him. He looks like he’s being a good sport about it, grinding back politely (the interesting intersection of hip hop culture and Canadians)—he doesn’t grab at her in any way, and just looks like he’s just hitting his marks. He’s a cog in a larger marketing machine.

As for Miley Cyrus, more, uh, nasty (truthfully, I think the whole thing she has going on is gross and tacky) than this persona she has on right now is that her performance was horrible—poor singing, poor dancing, and the usage of black people as props. She is an entertainer, a performer, and to me she scored low on both those accounts. What's difficult is that Miley (as many female entertainers do) has placed her body as the site of provocation, so any commentary on her work necessarily includes commentary on her body. What Miley sings about and the way she performs becomes who she is, whether true or not.

To her credit, she is living exactly as she sings in her song: saying what she wants, doing what she wants, forgetting haters, etc. No difference has been made between free choice and acting irresponsibly and selfishly, or the difference between sexy and sexual, or provocative and tacky. Miley lives at an unfortunate time in history where we have to go to even greater lengths to shock people; in a few years, entertainers will have to perform naked with monkeys and snakes coupling in order to make a dent in people’s consciousness. Her job was to get attention, and she did that effectively, to whatever detriment to her as a person. She is also just a cog in a larger machine, as much as she thinks she is being an individual.

Both these songs are about free choice, but to very different effect. In “Blurred Lines,” it seems like the woman in the song has to get over her internal hangups to embrace her sexuality. In “Can’t Stop,” it’s doing whatever you want, no matter what anyone says. When those two songs meet, they are just dissimilar enough  to become a commentary sex in modern pop culture.

New Wakey Wakey Morning Playlist: About Damn Time!

After about six months listening to the same morning songs, my family staged a revolt. So I got some new songs. If you want to hear it before you buy it, find me on Spotify.

“Hey Mama” – Mat Kearney

“You Make My Dreams” – Hall & Oates

“Gwarn!” – Pato Banton

“Can’t Keep It In” – Cat Stevens

“Why Why Why” – Lightning Seeds

“And She Was” – Talking Heads

“Empty Bottle Collector” – They Might Be Giants

“Now Is The Start” – A Fine Frenzy

“Lovely, Love My Family” – The Roots

“Up Up Up” – Givers

“You Might Think” – The Cars

“Nice ‘N’ Clean” – Chromeo

“That’s Not My Name” – The Tings Tings