Ergonomics: A Quiz Featuring Sex Toys

So it all started with this:

It's a lip balm by EOS. My friend Walter said it looked like it was supposed to vibrate. I told him it was supposed to be ergonomic. He replied, "It would be more ergonomic if it vibrated."

I didn't think much of his comment until I came across an ad for this in a magazine:

Lotion, also by EOS, also with ergonomic design. Now, I don't think I have a particularly dirty mind, but just a few pages later in this magazine, I came across another ad, this one for this:

 

And yes, this one is a sex toy.

So, for funsies, I decided to do a little Googling on sex toys and ergonomic design, for points of convergence and divergence--and have compiled some images here for you, in quiz form. Now, I am not any kind of product rep, so should you find any of these products, um, inspiring, or you're like, "How does that even work?!" I have to tell you I don't know. It's like the three shells in Demolition Man. Anyway, answers at bottom.

1.

2.

3.

 

4.

 

5.

6.

 

7.

8.

9.

 

10.

 

11,

12,

13.

14.

15.

 

Answers:

1. Pen; 2. Sex toy; 3. Chair; 4. Sex toy; 5. Wii bowling apparatus; 6. Chair; 7. Sex toy; 8. Digital jump rope; 9. Baster; 10. Sex toy; 11. Kitchen implement; 12. Sex toy; 13. Garlic peeler; 14. Sex toy; 15. Garlic crusher

If you scored:

13-15: You are into kitchen implements, furniture, sex toys, or some combination thereof.

9-12: You generally see things as they are, but can get... imaginative, if the situation calls for it.

5-8: You're kind of boring. There, I said it.

4 or less: You need to get out more. Put some shoyu into your life! Or, you're twelve years old and shouldn't be taking these kinds of quizzes anyway.

Beautiful network of utility: friends

Somebody told once that if I wanted to make lots of friends, I could just buy a truck. It might have been my brothers-in-law, because they all have friends and trucks, and also like to throw out little tidbits like that.

I was thinking about that the other day: the usefulness of friends. So, I made a list, which is of course a completely logical thing to do. At this point, I feel compelled to say two things:

1.    This blog is not small-children-with-big-eyes cutesy, so although I fully acknowledge that a friend “who knows where all the bodies are buried” and a friend “who loves you even at your worst” (yeah, I work in an office and have received that particular email a time or twelve) are both really nifty, I want to talk about utility, not about feelings of joy like a wriggling basket of puppies.

2.    And when I talk about utility, I don’t mean it in a cut-throat way. I’m not going to drop or make friends just because they have certain things. But you can’t possibly know, have, or learn everything, so it’s nice to have friends who do.

All right, caveats aside, here is my list of The Friends Everyone Needs

-A friend with a truck.

-A friend with power tools.

-A friend who can fix your computer or tell you when it can’t be fixed.

-A friend who can help you shop for a car.

-A friend who makes really excellent desserts.

-A friend—who may or may not be a medical professional—who knows if something looks infected, if those sound like symptoms or just a result of eating pizza four days straight, and who doesn’t mind helping you with lancing, bandaging, icing, or driving to the hospital.

-A friend who can find you on the freeway with a spare and a jug (that’s the wrong word: bottle? Tank? Nozzly thing?) of gas. In the night in the rain.

-A friend who knows about cars.

-A friend who will cook for you when you are sick or hungover.

-A friend who still has whatever bad habit(s) you quit and will indulge you with it/them when you hang out.

-A friend who will float you a twenty when you forgot to go to the ATM… and never bug you to pay him back.

-A friend with an AAA membership.

-A friend who brings good booze to the bbq or dinner party.

-A friend who can offer free legal advice.

-A friend who can explain technical things.

-A friend who will help you look for a job.

-A friend who has a house with a pool or lives by the beach.

-A friend who enjoys planning parties.

-A friend who’s handy.

-A friend who will make phone calls for you.

-A friend who likes gardening.

-A friend with actual grown up, nice possessions who acts like a mature adult.

-A friend who has good taste in books and music.

-A friend who can grill and has a nice bbq.

-A friend who will forward really great YouTube clips and silly websites.

-A friend who loves to babysit.

-A friend with all the latest tech toys.

-A friend who is DIY crafty. Not shifty crafty.

-A friend who knows all the slang and pop culture references.

-A friend who gives a good massage.

-A friend who knows what’s going on Friday night and will make an effort to get your ass out of the house.

-A friend who will research something for you, or proofread something for you.

Got any you want to add?